Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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