she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
