It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
