I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i've created a new STD.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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