I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
