apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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