So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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