the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
