I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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