I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
