It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
