dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
