i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
