that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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