It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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