I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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