i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
