I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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