she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
