i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
