..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
