I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
