no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
