one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's shark week go big or go home
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