Duck Duck Cougar?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
