he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
