and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
