Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
