The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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