I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
