they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
