Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The air was thick with penises
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
