She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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