so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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