um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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