They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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