I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
