I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
