I have demons in me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
