How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
