Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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