so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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