I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
