ugly people sure do ruin things
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
