I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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