Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
