I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
