Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
