Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
