I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
