Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
