Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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