evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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