Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
