i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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