If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize