I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
