Do you still have your period?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize