ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize