is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
