i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize