I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
