Screwed.edu
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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